Dear Coach series – Feeling overwhelmed and unloved

Dear coach, 

I have today been digging deep to try and find why I am like I am?
I thought I had finally found myself, until recent events that have happened over the last few days.

I feel like I am not enough, I am not loveable, I am not worthy of love or being loved.

I can go back to when I was young, very young to feel I was not enough as I was.
I never felt good enough to be asked to stay over at school friends houses, I never really had any true friends at school. I guess I was never good enough for anyone?!?!

When I think about it I never felt  good enough for my mum or my dad. I was always being put on a diet. It was always well if you can loose this amount of weight we will give you this amount of money.
Why did I never really feel that I was wanted or loved, was it because my parents worked evenings and weekends?
Was it because I was the last of four children to be born?
Why did I feel like I never fitted in?
I don’t feel like I was ever encouraged to do anything other than loose weight? Maybe this answers why I’ve always had a weight problem?

My older siblings seemed to get encouraged to do well at school and in jobs, I felt like I was just left to sort it out for myself.
When all I ever wanted was some help and guidance as to what to do!!

I feel so scared and on my own right now, and I really don’t what to do.

I have a habit of putting on a brave face and burying things deep inside and I need to change that. But I’m not sure where to start?

I want to feel loved, I want to feel enough, I want to feel worthy.
I just need some help and guidance to find my way.

Dear friend,

It sounds like you have had a recent shake up, do not fear the feelings that come up out of this. They are coming to the surface, because you are now ready to let go of them. Being aware of these feelings, gives you the power to write new beliefs for yourself!

Whenever negative thoughts come up, form a new habit of saying to them ‘Thank you for sharing.’ This little habit, can help stop you from spiralling downwards, from one negative thought to another.

While your mind is in turmoil, it’s good to get all these thoughts out and to gain some peace. Open up a blank word document on your computer or take some plain pieces of paper. Write down everything that is on your mind. If you find it difficult, then just write down exactly what comes to mind, even if it’s just ‘This feels stupid, I don’t know to write.’ Keep going to at least 3 pages. The thoughts and feelings will begin to flow and with it the emotions. Write down the angry thoughts or go and bash them out on a pillow! Write down the sad thoughts. Do not worry about correcting mistakes, your grammar or spelling. It does not matter. Let go of the need to be perfect.

When you have finished, begin writing down who you need to forgive and what you need to let go of. Begin to write down how you want to feel instead. Let these become your new beliefs by repeating them often, 100 times a day if necessary!

You may find the following affirmations helpful:

  • It is safe to feel my emotions
  • I deserve love
  • I am deeply in love with myself
  • I am surrounded by people who love and encourage me
  • I am enough
  • I nourish myself with kind and loving thoughts

I suggest writing your new beliefs on a new piece of paper. Then you can fully let go of the old by choosing not to save your word document or shredding your paper. As you do so, affirm that you let go of past hurts and limitations and that you are ready to forgive. Know that your parents and siblings, were doing the best they could, with the knowledge they had at the time. If they could have done better, they would have.

Love and blessings,

Tina

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