There’s so many conversations that I have in my head. I wish I could take them and instantly scribe them down sometimes. The thoughts come easily and quickly. Yet even if I manage to get to a computer quickly, it often doesn’t come out the same again. It’s almost the act of sitting down to type, causes my mind to freeze. The conversation type style in my mind, goes out of my head. Instead, comes this idea of nicely, posed, perfect spelling and formatted idea of writing. But it doesn’t flow or come easily. I end up questioning myself, retyping bits or simply not finding the words again.
This morning’s writing was just that. So instead, I threw it all out and started again . I allowed that conversation to be played out and instead, I opened up to a new world of ideas. My mind is now open with new thoughts of where I would like to take my voice. I would like to be more controversial, more open, more out spoken. And I look forward to playing with these ideas as my voice develops.
Letting go of the agenda when writing
When we sit down to write, feeling like we have an agenda. It’s easy for it to suddenly go dry. That the ideas we have floating around our heads, which seemed so fruitful. Now have vanished.
We forget that we simply came here to write, hang out on the page. That it doesn’t need to be profound or detailed advice. We don’t need to heavily think on what needs to be said. We just need to come and be here.
So this morning, after several failed attempts. I’ve started again. I’ve thought about what I do on days where I do write well. When I start with no expectation or topic in mind. I simply sit down with the intention that I shall write.
Right now, my focus is on simply to type. To let the words come out as they are needed. Without thought or care, on where they will take me. Just to let the thoughts become the words before me.
The love of writing, of developing a skill, needs to be fun. I could spend hours putting together articles, the best how to and advice. But if I don’t enjoy the process, then how can I be expected to come back to it each day.
I love the thought of a heart on the sleeve blogger. It’s something I have tried previously and ended up feeling like I had failed. I censored myself heavily, as I was all to aware of who was reading my blog. I hated knowing that my inner thoughts were being read by those I knew.
So I did what I did in real life too. I closed myself off from expressing myself. My blog became an online diary, of what I was doing. With it, I lost my voice and my creativity. I choose to listen to the voice within me, that I could not write. That I had nothing of any importance or interest to say.
The voice still reminds within me today. And I could choose to continue to listen to it. I could agree that I cannot write well. That my articles, are painstakingly slow and that someone else could write it better.
But then I know that I cannot improve my writing, if I avoid well writing. I know there are many readers out there, and one day my musings may be of interest to a few. What I write today, may not be read for many years.
Or it may be that I cultivate a love for writing. A habit that I choose to indulge in daily. From within there I may form some gems, to find topics that I love to share with others. But I have almost trapped myself into thinking that, I can only help others only through structured articles. That there is only one way to help others. This is foolish thinking.
For me, one of the greatest ways to help people, is by being myself. By living my life, as open and as authentically as possible, it creates a safe space for others to do so too.
Writing ‘advice’ means I am trying to make myself into an expert. It’s putting on a role, that I do not feel comfortable doing. That’s not to say I do not know what I am talking about. Or that I couldn’t give help where needed. But it’s so individual to each situation, blanket advice rarely works.
When I do this, it creates distance, because I am trying to be someone I am not. Yet, I’ve always found the opposite to be true in life. That by simply being myself, by choosing to see people with love. To look through a person’s fears and see their potential. I am opening myself up to respond in kindness to both them and myself.
This is a gift to each other. It’s the ability to meet with each other, as who you are beyond the layers. The fears and layers completely stripped away. This is where I would like to be with my writing. To be where I can share my thoughts and my value, from a place of honesty and love. And in return, I hope you can meet me there and to see yourself, with a little more love.